Wednesday, August 6, 2008

A Question for the Readers

I’ve been feeling a touch maudlin lately and I’m not really sure why. I was putting Jack to sleep tonight and I started thinking that I should make a video for him in the event that I, well, die, before he reaches an age where he can remember me. I can tell him all about my life and Becky’s life and maybe he’ll understand something about his place in the universe and blah, blah, blah. This is weird, right? I actually sat down and filmed myself telling him he should be a good boy if anything happened to me while I was in Peru, but I deleted it because it seemed too freaking bizarre. Yet I’m thinking about it again. I’d guess this sort of thing never enters the mind of most parents,  but having seen the random slice of the karmic axe first hand it seems sort of reasonable to me. Does anyone have any thoughts about this? Good idea? Insane idea? I’m not really sure. Being a lawyer, I can be a bit of a blowhard so I wonder if this is more about ensuring Jack thinks about me in a certain way rather than being a really strange instruction in the ways of the world. I was adopted when I was 4 months old and therefore have no idea what version of genetic roulette I’m playing. Will I live to be 100 or am I doomed to flame out at 50? No clue. 


I think this whole idea has come up because of something my sister-in-law said at the family reunion a couple of weeks ago. She noticed Jack calling Erin, “mama” and said, quite correctly, that she was the only mother he would ever know. She didn’t mean it in a bad way, just a factual observation but  its also very true. As sad as it is to me that Jack will never know his mother first-hand, it really isn’t sad to him. That bites a bit. He will grow up without having had a first hand experience of Becky and will know her only through photographs and remembrances of friends and family. That is a very odd concept for me to wrap my head around. Of course, being the self-absorbed fool I am but it bothers me that if I drop dead tomorrow he will think of me in the same way. So maybe this is all about me? I don’t know. Mind you, this is not to take anything away from Erin, who loves Jack as if he were her own son. I can’t even conceptualize where we would be if she hadn’t come into our lives. My love for her is without limit. She and Dimitri have enriched my life in a way that  I never would have thought possible a year ago. 


But if I were to make such a video, what would it say? I love you very much and your mother loved you very much? I think that is kind of obvious. Do I attempt to convey my philosophy of life, i.e. don’t take yourself too seriously, don’t sweat the small stuff (and its all small stuff)? Seems kind of trite. Do I tell him about my views of religion and rationalism? Also a bit superficial since I assume he will have access to my old blog as well as this one which more than adequately represent my views on everything from the New York City subway system to the state of civil liberties in America. So what would I say? I would appreciate your input.


4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Why be so high-tech as to need a video camera? I think this is the sort of thing you have to go ultra low-tech on. Photo albums and scrapbooks, maybe even a diary of letters to Jack that even if you live to a ripe old age, he can still have. This will communicate to him the kind of person you are, and what kinds of things are important to you without getting preachy and going off on wild tangents. Just an opinion...

Andréa said...

I think it's a great idea. And I also agree with bittercup226 when he/she says letters would be great. I think a video would help him look at you, have a vivid image, notice your eyes when you talk, the way your lips move, your accent, manerisms, etc. We tend to forget those things as time passes. I'd say write letters too (besides the blog which is already an awesome thing you're leaving to him), many letters, and make videos. Don't censor, don't edit, just talk about whatever you feel like. Even things you already wrote about in your blog and ESPECIALLY things you think are "obvious" like your love for him. It's never too much. And it's the only thing that matters in this life- as you know. I'm sure you will have fun doing it along with a certain relief for leaving him things. I don't find the idea morbid or odd. We are all gonna die and we have no idea when. The world would be a better place if people remembered that more offen.

Cheers!

Mark said...

I wish that I had the time, Bittercup, to keep a more low-tech scrap-book type system, but I know myself all too well. Organization is not my strong point and if I can make use of modern media then I probably will. Anyway I have a lot of "analog" stuff from before he was born; thousands of photos as well as letters and writing I did when I was a know-it-all college student. Becky and I took a lot of photos and saved every one of them. (Man, did I make some poor fashion choices in the 1990s.) I will take your suggestion that I organize that stuff so it doesn't disappear in a move or something. Maybe I'll digitize it all, but you're right about how no digital representation can beat the feeling of holding a photo in your hands or reading bad 20 year old poetry written by your father with a Selectric on onion skin paper.

Andrea, you are right on. What I want him to see in a video would be exactly that; how I move and my physical mannerisms and all that stuff. Thank you both.

bebelala said...

Shortly after my husband died, I made a 'list' for my son of the silly things I thought I might forget over time that I wanted him to know. Day to day, things, like how he liked his coffee and the fact that he never, ever wore a robe or slippers. I don't know whether he'll want or care to know about those things, but somehow that seemed important at the time. I agree that mannerisms and those little 'day to day' things are what we really miss out on if we lose someone so young.